Welcome to the Sad Girls Club: a club for anyone who would like to learn to be a sad girl. No need to be a girl. No need to be a boy. No need to even be sad.

From Ophelia to Cathy to Lana Del Rey to every woman in a painting ever, the sad girl is here to stay. Is she a protest? Is she a whine? Is she just hungry? She is sad.

In this introduction to the confusing joys of being a sad girl, learn to sway and recline, repress your fears. Put on your face and ruin it with tears. Shout and be silent. Smile and glare. Ditch the comb and attack your own hair.

There will be beauty. There will be food (perhaps). There will be the appearance of great sadness, but never will there be actual sadness.

Because the first rule of the Sad Girls Club is never saying why you’re sad.

When you say why you’re sad, it’s over.